I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
