I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
