Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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