apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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