I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
