im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
