yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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