i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
