Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
