Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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