i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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