I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
