Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
