hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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