Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
