I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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