i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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