well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
