I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
