Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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