someone threw a dead crab at me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
