This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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