Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
