i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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