I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
