ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think im going to throw up on grandma
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
