Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
