dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
