Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
