So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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