I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
