I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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