god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
