It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
