Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
COCAINE IS GR8
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
