Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
