last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
