And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
