i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
