I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
