I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
