mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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