No stitches, just platelets and will power
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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