guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
