I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
