I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Less talking, more tequila
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
