Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
