it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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