So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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