I think I died a long time ago.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
