I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
